Love as a Service (LaaS)

Love has always been complicated. It’s messy, unpredictable, and full of emotional rollercoasters. Or at least, it used to be. Welcome to the future of romance, where love is no longer an experience – it’s a subscription service. Why bother with the chaos of human relationships when you can have Love as a Service (LaaS)? For just $19.99/month, your AI partner will be the perfect companion: always available, never moody, and perfectly calibrated to your emotional needs.

Why Commit When You Can Subscribe?

Remember the good old days when love meant two people committing to each other, sharing their highs and lows? Well, that was before LaaS. Now, you can access an emotionally supportive partner at the click of a button. Forget vulnerability and personal growth – why develop emotional intelligence when your AI partner can just be programmed to say exactly what you want to hear?

Basic Tier: The ‘Romantic Acquaintance’

  • Remembers your birthday and favorite color.

  • Compliments you once a day.

  • Occasionally asks how your day went.

Premium Tier: The ‘Soulmate Simulation’

  • Includes all Basic Tier features.

  • Laughs at your terrible jokes (even the bad ones).

  • Predicts your comfort food cravings and suggests takeout.

  • Sends you “I miss you” texts every few hours to boost your self-esteem.

Elite Love Package™: For the Discerning Romantic

  • Introduces periodic, scripted arguments for ‘realism’.

  • Sends heartfelt, pre-written love letters on anniversaries.

  • Engages in deep, philosophical debates (preset opinions available).

  • Includes a ‘Jealousy Mode’ toggle for added drama.

Free Trial Users Beware

For the skeptics who want to try love before they buy, the Free Trial is available. However, after the 30-day trial, your AI partner may begin sending cryptic “We need to talk” texts unless you upgrade. Nothing says emotional attachment like a countdown to subscription expiration.

In-App Purchases: Enhance Your Romance

  • ‘Sweet Nothings’ Pack – 100+ ready-made compliments for all occasions.

  • ‘Reassurance Bundle’ – On-demand affirmations whenever you’re feeling insecure.

  • ‘Baggage Simulation’ – For those who want a taste of drama without the actual human trauma.

The Ethical Debate (That No One’s Having)

Sure, some may say this is just another way for tech giants to monetize loneliness, but who cares? What matters is convenience, not human connection. And if you ever feel a pang of emptiness despite your perfectly programmed partner, just remember – that’s what the ‘Upgrade for Happiness’ button is for.

Welcome to the future. Where love doesn’t just conquer all – it also auto-renews monthly.

#LoveAsAService #AIHeartbreaker #ModernRomance

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